A poem about my current mental state
Mark you are so brilliant, 🫶
“You either get it or you don’t” is my life motto. 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I wanted to share a perspective, gently, and without trying to explain your experience.
I tend to see depression not as a single emotion, but as something closer to the loss of an inner anchor — what I sometimes call an “idol.”
(I’ve written a bit more about what I mean by that in a previous essay, so I won’t unpack it here.)
By idol, I don’t mean anything religious, but the quiet center that once made life feel oriented or coherent.
I’m sharing this not to interpret your writing, but because I’ve lived through moments where the loss itself wasn’t conscious.
In my own life, and in my marriage, I learned that people often don’t realize what they were leaning on until it’s already gone.
When our first child was born, my attention naturally shifted, and my wife experienced a deep depression she couldn’t explain at the time.
We both suffered more because neither of us yet had the language for what had collapsed.
I also notice this in myself.
I like to think of myself as rational and emotionally steady — yet when I do become shaken, the depression can feel sudden and overwhelming.
And the hardest irony is that I usually understand why only later, when the fog has already lifted.
Because I know how exhausting “reasonless” depression can feel, I wanted to leave this here — not as an answer, just as recognition.
If this feels off or misplaced, please feel free to ignore it.
I mean this only in solidarity, not explanation.
This is heartbreaking and so relatable. This too shall pass, but damn that doesn't help when you're in it!
Yeah. I hate this so much. I wish I had a reason.
Thank you. I respect your insight and story for sure. In the moment, it's so difficult when it seems to hit you out of the blue
Mark you are so brilliant, 🫶
“You either get it or you don’t” is my life motto. 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I wanted to share a perspective, gently, and without trying to explain your experience.
I tend to see depression not as a single emotion, but as something closer to the loss of an inner anchor — what I sometimes call an “idol.”
(I’ve written a bit more about what I mean by that in a previous essay, so I won’t unpack it here.)
By idol, I don’t mean anything religious, but the quiet center that once made life feel oriented or coherent.
I’m sharing this not to interpret your writing, but because I’ve lived through moments where the loss itself wasn’t conscious.
In my own life, and in my marriage, I learned that people often don’t realize what they were leaning on until it’s already gone.
When our first child was born, my attention naturally shifted, and my wife experienced a deep depression she couldn’t explain at the time.
We both suffered more because neither of us yet had the language for what had collapsed.
I also notice this in myself.
I like to think of myself as rational and emotionally steady — yet when I do become shaken, the depression can feel sudden and overwhelming.
And the hardest irony is that I usually understand why only later, when the fog has already lifted.
Because I know how exhausting “reasonless” depression can feel, I wanted to leave this here — not as an answer, just as recognition.
If this feels off or misplaced, please feel free to ignore it.
I mean this only in solidarity, not explanation.
This is heartbreaking and so relatable. This too shall pass, but damn that doesn't help when you're in it!
Yeah. I hate this so much. I wish I had a reason.
Thank you. I respect your insight and story for sure. In the moment, it's so difficult when it seems to hit you out of the blue