It's Not All Bad
Part 3 in the series.
My Job as a Dad (“K”)
“K” (Birthdate 3/17/2011)
“K”, my daughter, was born via C-section on St. Patrick's Day, 2011. She was born happy and healthy, and provided less up- front complications than my son did in-utero.
What a beautiful baby girl she was (and still is). Everything progressed naturally and typically through her early years. She was genuinely a happy girl, and loved being rocked in the rocking chair.
At 4 years old, we enrolled her in preschool, and as luck would have it, I accepted a lead teaching job at the same preschool just days later. The Director let it be known that “K” would be in my classroom, and I would be her (first) school teacher.
That year went wonderfully, and she made a friend that she would have for the next two years in that class. Again, progressing naturally and typically. Next stop, Kindergarten.
During the first couple of months of Kindergarten, it was a bit of a struggle. Every day, without fail, dropping her off in tears was the norm. She outgrew that though, and she thrived in that school year, becoming one of the first to reach 100 plus sight words in her class, and consequently, one of the best readers in her class. There was irony in that because she hardly ever wanted to read at home. She was extremely bright.
Also during that year, we discovered that “K” was destined for gymnastics or something because she regularly tumbled on me. A friend of ours at the time had a daughter in an all-star cheer gym, and paid to have her try it out.
This led to the next six years of practices, travel, and cheer competitions. During four years of that, we also put her in youth cheer in our hometown. Again, lots of practices, some travel, and lots of fun meeting other parents of both youth football and cheer.
So, I mentioned that I was her preschool teacher. Well, because I was on her school PTO board, the cheer director asked me to be cheer team dad, knowing full well that, even though I had no idea what that entailed, I'd surely say yes.
Team Dad somehow morphed into being one of the three cheer coaches for “K's” squad. Two years into that, I was nominated for, and accepted the Cheer Director position for the entire youth cheer program. That lasted one year, but the experiences will live with me forever.
I mean, what a blessed dad I was getting to be her first school teacher and one of her cheer coaches. Not many dads can say that. Still makes me proud to this day.
Well, after 6th grade, she was burned out on cheer. I didn't want to force it on her because that's not fair to do in my opinion after a certain age.
Well, as it turned out, she discovered some new things she wanted to try. Speech and Debate and tennis. She seemed to love both…for a time, but her mental health was deteriorating somewhat, and before the school year this year, she bowed out of tennis before the season practices were starting.
Thought, okay, there was still Speech and Debate. And her high school is regularly ranked nationally in the top 50. She was excited to get her third season started.
Then, the school year started. In the first month, she really only made it to school a couple of handfuls of days, had a meeting with the school guidance counselor, and tried to adjust her schedule to better accommodate her ever present and worsening mental health issues.
We decided then that the best thing to do was find an online school for her to attend while sorting all of the mental health stuff out.
That started fast, but has since fizzled out. We've since had her go through two psychological screenings to help us figure out how to proceed going forward. Results in a couple of weeks…
“K” is a wonderful daughter, and shares interests with me and all of me sports teams. She is bright and talented, but now the trick is to help her find her footing once again. Like “S”, '“K” is worth fighting for.
Right now, it's heartbreaking, and time seems like it's standing still while this gets sorted out. No doubt though, I'll always be right by her side.
Hi Mark, you are a great parent and I know "K" will be ok. All you need is to take care of yourself, so you can be there for her. My son is a great young man, a scientist, debater, writer, thinker, I guess mental illness just attacks the brightest. He just left the stabilisation unit few days ago and I am trying my best to help him, online school is an option, and no school this year is also an option because his mental health is all what matters to me. I feel clueless sometimes, or no, all the time, I had him when I was a kid myself and we grew up together, he is my teacher and my mentor. I will pray for "K" and you remember my "F" in your prayers. They will be ok, stay strong.
This is such a heartfelt and loving tribute to your daughter, and it is clear how deeply you care for her and how present you have been in every chapter of her life. You have given her support, guidance, and memories that many kids only dream of, and she has grown into a bright and talented young person because of it.
The path you are walking with her now is incredibly hard, but you are doing the right thing by meeting her where she is, adjusting, listening, and fighting with her instead of pushing her. Mental health struggles can make time feel heavy and uncertain, but she has one irreplaceable advantage: a parent who refuses to give up on her.
She is lucky to have you in her corner, and with your support, patience, and love, she will find her footing again. You are doing an amazing job, so keep going.